so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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