even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
