I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize