The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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