Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
