dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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