So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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