I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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