I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
