I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
