Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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