i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
