I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
