Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
