I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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