I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
im having a threesome with these popsicles
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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