After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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