I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize