either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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