You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize