Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
