My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Still dying that you shit outside
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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