I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
