So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
