did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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