There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
