he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
