i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
