is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
