I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
