Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The uberlube is also flammable
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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