just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
