They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
