on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
The ass gains better be worth it
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