Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
