hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
