My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She even gives head with a lisp.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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