Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
