Do you still have your period?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize