you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Acid is not a monday night drug
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Randomize
