You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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