you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
