I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
