Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize