u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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