I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
