2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize