OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
