I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
barbara walters just said penis...
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
