So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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