yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
