I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
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