You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
