Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
