Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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