so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
