Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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