the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
