Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
