never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
