Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
