dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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