I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
