Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just had sex on a roof
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
