i just wanna soil my oats bro
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
