I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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