I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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