I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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