she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
