We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize