I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Still dying that you shit outside
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
