That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
