Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
