I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
MIDGETS
????
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
