ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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