Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
