guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
