Sry I called you an 8
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
