I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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