i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize