can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
