don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
