just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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