..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
