if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
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