I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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