so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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