I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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