Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
