All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
