I'm laying in your front yard are you home
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm like, not good at living.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
