Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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