Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
