i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
