I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I think I just sharted jello shots
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
