I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
