I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
