I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I think I won the penis lottery.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
