Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
