loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
