I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
