Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
