so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
