I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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