So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
