Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
