Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize