If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
