Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
