i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
