I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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