I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
