He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize