I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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