You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
