We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
