There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
