We named our party play list daddy issues
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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