i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
