You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
