I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
It's just like the Real World with babies
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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