Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
