i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize