there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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