life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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