Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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