Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
