As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
this boner is exhausting
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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