a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
