You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
